miss them

if you really knew me, you'd know that i am constantly evolving into a new person. i am always in need of change. so this is my march mix, songs that are a current collective of me. take a listen, you'll get the idea. this weekend was extra special because i turned twenty four on sunday. i had a birthday picnic in the park on possibly the most beautiful day i think we've seen in weeks with a few people i hold dear to my heart. it was very low key and relaxed, just as i expected.

01 white hinterland - icarus
02 we were promised jetpacks - quiet little voices
03 saturday looks good to me - meet me by the water
04 radiohead - bloom
05 tennis - cape dory
06 lake r▲dio - always
07 glass vaults - new space
08 sun airway - put the days away
09 girls - carolina
10 braids - lammicken
11 the stone roses - i wanna be adored
12 minks - indian ocean
13 wreckless eric - whole wide world
14 warpaint - baby

download the mix here
enjoy
xoxo

if you could choose a word to describe your year, what would it be? mine would be intuition.

i've always known that i was intuitive, i just didn't know how to trust it. i didn't know whether to accept it as a strength, so i saw it only as a weakness. i would get myself into situations when i knew what the outcome would be. i always hesitated when i knew it would be something good but when it was bad i didn't even think twice, i'd dive in head first. i kept setting myself up for a lot of heartache, trouble and loss. i was so afraid that if i didn't let myself experience it, then how would i ever really know? i've always been a private person, so i kept all of the perceptions i was having to myself. i figured the less i spoke about them, the more i could hear them. that didn't work out very well. until recently, i taught myself to be more outspoken. i would say them aloud just so someone else would be a witness to my thoughts. that didn't work out very well either, because i suckered myself into it anyway.

i was always letting myself go only to watch it unravel before my eyes. as predicted, everything always transpired exactly as i imagined it would. i allowed all of these terrible things happen to me. and of course, i'd proceed to beat myself up over it because i should have listened to my intuition. i never did. i came to the conclusion that i was afraid of being wrong and afraid of controlling the situation. i just didn't trust myself and with that came the disability to trust in others. i created a mess for myself, all because i wouldn't follow my instincts.

forward from here, i will create or find a sanctuary to meditate. i will teach myself to quiet the inner dialogue in my head and listen to the blank space behind it. i will write down my dreams and everything that comes to my mind, no matter how outlandish it seems. i will question myself more positively. with this exercise i trust that i will find inner balance, have a clearer conscious and develop healthier decisions and relationships. this will be an art in itself.

i will also learn how to develop my own film.

its so strange how photography has a way of reflecting you as a person. through the things that you photograph and the way you go about doing so- you see the constant growth in yourself. looking back on the photographs that i've taken, i noticed that i approached them very differently this year. while in 2009 i worked on a lot of portrait projects, this year was more of a documentation of my adventures. and in looking through this year's memories, i was constantly searching for beauty. be it through traveling, meeting new and old faces, going on little scavenger hunts or eating my heart out, one thing is for sure- i found it everywhere.

the most beautiful girl in my world
canon ae-1, fuji 200 iso

"anyone who is something, and is something essentially, possesses 'eo ipso,' the claim to be recognized for exactly this special thing, and for nothing more or less."
--soren kierkegaard

"it is a known condition that when you begin to pay attention to something you’ve never really looked at before you will begin to see it everywhere. you eventually begin to feel as if the thing is out to find you, instead of the other way around."

keri smith
how to be an explorer of the world

these pair of nudies are about three years old, and this is it in it's natural state of normal wear and tear. i patched up the backside so that i could wear it again. unfortunately, i can't in this weather. but i can't wait for the day that the weather permits for me to be outside with just this and a tee shirt.

canon ae-1
kodak 400

the georgia walk for autism now took place yesterday morning at atlantic station. very moving to see so many people take time to walk with us in raising awareness. what a beautiful day it was. visit the autism speaks website to see if there is a walk you can take part of in your own town.

support someone and change a life.

here we are, meeting face to face with the last days of december. as i've gotten older, i've failed to recognize the new year and make resolutions, because i don't believe in them anymore. i am the kind of person that refuses to be content with any situation. therefore, reevaluation happens with every cup of jo in the morning and every night before going to bed. i wish for new and better things everyday and i hope that you all do too. don't let a calendar tell you when to tell someone that you love them, when you need to take a vacation, or when not to wear white shoes. let life unfold in it's own unruly way, and you will be surprised with how beautiful everything can be, if you let it.


see you in january
xoxo
kneeseespieces

photo taken at ashley oaks mansion, view in full size here.


merry christmas to all, and to all a goodnight.
xo

i just received these precious photos tonight from sissy. so very happy to see her and the family are still looking great out there in omaha. but at the same time, it also makes me sad that we won't be sharing the holidays together. instead we have our photographs to send to one another, and i'm glad that we can share a common love for them. i can't wait to start working on our sister collective project together. think the postal service, but in the form of sisterness. i'm excited about it!

i still wish for them to be nearer.

two weeks ago, lifetouch came to do our school portraits. i was kinda tired of taking my own pictures, so of course i took advantage of the opportunity of getting them taken for free. i checked my mailbox tuesday, and there it was.. i can't stop laughing at it. i look exactly the same in my high school senior portraits, except i had blonde hair then.

laugh it up. i think its classy.

photo by kaiyoon

i went to the thrift store the other day, and purchased 5 dresses for only 13$- including an oscar de la renta for less than a dollar. the one that i'm wearing pictured above was 2$. my intentions in buying all of them were for the photo-op that we had sunday at the mansion. but i've decided that i should wear dresses more often.

i do like to dress up.
i like being a girl.
i like the way it makes me feel.

35mm photo by iamtheary

love this 35mm film photo by sokai

we are practically day and night, silk and leather, complete opposites. and this photo really personifies our individuality. totally my desktop wallpaper for a really long time. i miss her so much already.

i just developed 4 rolls of film from nebraska. to my disappointment, a lot of them came out either under or over exposed. i'll be uploading them through out the week. until then, enjoy sokai's photos from nebraska. i very much enjoyed getting "dumped" for the past few days.

photo via the unicorn diaries

when i was a youngster, i used to dig in my backyard. i remember thinking to myself while digging endlessly, that there was something that was waiting for me. waiting for me to discover it. i imagined that i would find a treasure trunk from way long ago filled with letters, photos, artifacts, things of that nature. and i was ready to make up my own story from those things. even before i found it. but, i never found that trunk.

some days i'd feel like this place wasn't where i belonged, and that maybe that treasure trunk would open up another world for me. somewhere only i would know. the place where i really came from. and sometimes i still believe that to this very day.

"somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known"
-the imaginary foundation

vintage kneesee :) polka dots, socks, jellies, and those mouse ears!

i have been dreaming absolutely wild lately! i just had a dream that i was supplied with vintage kodak and fuji equipment. i even used scanners and printers for dressers and storage for film. whos a nerd?

enjoy your weekend! dream big..

i got a hold of my father's photo album (with no fuss or fight to get it either!) and with much excitement, i get to share with you his photography now! i knew that it was a hobby of his, but my mother just told me today that he did it to make money while living in the refugee camp. i am ever so thankful that he held on to these for so many years. as sokai said.. it was wonderful that he overlooked the once-daunting times of the khmer rouge and pol pot regime, and embraced the beauty around him through photography.




there are also photos of my mother, a few were taken before she married my father. i'd like to think she was my father's muse in his photos because he loved to photograph her. she is a true beauty, and still is. i was glad to hear her take on each photo and to see the smile on her face when she looked through the photo album.





he even held on to the polaroid that the camp sent to their sponsors here in the united states. this photo is absolutely moving, and it touches me everytime i look at it.





i hope that you enjoy this set courtesy of my papa, and that you find it just as inspirational as i did. the fact that i can look at these again with a fresher eye and different perspective, reminds me why i do what i do.

all thanks to two very beautiful, powerful people in my life.