Sunday, February 10, 2008
the first signs of daybreak peaked through my window blinds. i shifted around in bed hoping to be greeted with that gorgeous morning smile i have grown to miss. he slept so soundly. he looked like christmas morning. i traced the shape of his angelic face with my finger tips. gently. i didn't want to wake him just yet.
i yearned for moments like these. quiet monday mornings. when the day was still ripe and innocent. before a single word or gesture would be exchanged. before my mind would go to work at critiquing his every move. if only we could lay like this all day. but time wouldn't permit.
i was almost startled by the vibration of his 10a.m. alarm through the mattress. it was the same everyday. without acknowledging my exsistence, he reached for his blackberry and squinted at the screen. he rolled over and let out a yawn, soon after followed by a groan.
i turned my cheek and faced the window. it had become a ritual for me, to fight those secret fears of procrastination. i could not help but wonder where we were headed. it dawned on me that i would hold on to these last few minutes i had left before he woke.. before i fed onto my overanalyzing ways.
i could hear the clicking of his phone, the cracking of his leather jacket as he slipped it on quietly. i pretended not to hear it, but i wasn't good at hiding from him. my thoughts, they fly away to him no matter what i do.
we exchanged a few words. he opened the door. and he was gone. it was nothing new. and nothing new scares me.
the silent understanding that we shared was what brought us together.
and now it was breaking us apart.
that night i laid in bed..my thoughts were waking me in and out of my sleep. i struggled to find some peace of mind from it all. i tried to finish this very story in the most hopeless romantic way possible but a knock at the door broke my train of thought.
i opened the door to find his silhouette standing before me. he stepped toward the light, his eyes tired.. his shoulders tense. he reached out with his arms, and grasped me with such a warm hug.. i closed my eyes and felt exactly what he need not say. i was always so tolerant of this unspoken behavior. his embrace was always so passionate, being the scorpion he was.. and the weakness that i always felt in my knees, decided to forgive. he closed the door behind him.
today, he woke up with that gorgeous morning smile that i happened to miss. he reached out for me, but i was not there. he lifted his head and looked around the room for me. there i was, sitting on the cold wooden chair by the window..
he called for me but i only looked back at him.. those boyish charms.. those deep dark eyes said come back to bed.. a part of me wanted to crawl back into his arms and enjoy the silence.. but the larger part of me was tied down to that chair. he was always so capable of reading my mind, so i sent those thoughts to him through my cold stare.
i rose out of my comfort zone, toward the bedroom door and stood outside in the hall. i listened for him as he got dressed quickly.. and watched him dart for the door. no last looks.